On the Eve of Motherhood

We're safely in Kolkata now, unpacked in our comfy room and done with our shopping and sighteseeing. My cousin Farah, who I really consider a sister, joined us for our Agra adventure and the four of us flew Kingfisher (wonderful!) to Kolkata last night. We have our appointment at the children's home to pick up Pratima (we will call her this during the transition) tomorrow at 12pm- note that we are 12.5 hours ahead of PST.

I've been writing this blog entry in my head for a few weeks now; ever since I arrived in India. You could actually argue that I've been writing this for over 4 years, ever since Azeem and I decided we wanted to expand our family.

I never imagined I would be getting on a plane and expanding our brood in this unusual fashion. The last few years have been tumultuous to say the least, and through it our amazing support system of friends and family kept saying "don't worry, what is supposed to happen, will happen". But seriously, do you know how hard it is to hold on to this faith through thick and thin? I've never really been the patient type; I married into this trait for a reason.

Well now that I'm on the eve of Motherhood, I can attest it feels true. Spending some time getting to know this amazing land has given me resolve that this was our true path . Sure I'm nervous, terrified actually. But traveling and living here for 3 weeks has given me some wonderful peace and perspective.

I've held back talking about the myriad of children I've seen on the streets here. Everywhere you look you see naked babies, ragged clothed toddlers and barefoot children running freely on the streets. At first glance you feel a sadness for their fate. However other times I envy their naivety, as this existence is all they know. Lack of education shelters them from wanting or needing more.

When a little girl pokes at my window and asks for money, I of course can only think of Zaleeya. People say we are giving her a wonderful gift by bringing her to our family where she will be raised with education and a future. However I think it's important to remember that she will also be a gift to us; bringing us joy, frustration, happiness, laughter and tears forever. But I believe the greatest gift was given to all of us by her birth mother. To her we thank and respect with our hearts wide open.

So on this eve I leave you with a quote that I actually heard on one of my Yoga podcasts while on this trip. The writer is Anais Nin, and it spoke to me quite deeply:

"It takes courage to push yourself to places you've that never been before. To test your limits. To break through barriers. And then the day came that the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud, was more painful then the risk it took to blossom."

Please keep reading our blog, as the journey has only just begun.