Sunday, October 19, 2008

On the Eve of Motherhood

We're safely in Kolkata now, unpacked in our comfy room and done with our shopping and sighteseeing. My cousin Farah, who I really consider a sister, joined us for our Agra adventure and the four of us flew Kingfisher (wonderful!) to Kolkata last night. We have our appointment at the children's home to pick up Pratima (we will call her this during the transition) tomorrow at 12pm- note that we are 12.5 hours ahead of PST.

I've been writing this blog entry in my head for a few weeks now; ever since I arrived in India. You could actually argue that I've been writing this for over 4 years, ever since Azeem and I decided we wanted to expand our family.

I never imagined I would be getting on a plane and expanding our brood in this unusual fashion. The last few years have been tumultuous to say the least, and through it our amazing support system of friends and family kept saying "don't worry, what is supposed to happen, will happen". But seriously, do you know how hard it is to hold on to this faith through thick and thin? I've never really been the patient type; I married into this trait for a reason.

Well now that I'm on the eve of Motherhood, I can attest it feels true. Spending some time getting to know this amazing land has given me resolve that this was our true path . Sure I'm nervous, terrified actually. But traveling and living here for 3 weeks has given me some wonderful peace and perspective.

I've held back talking about the myriad of children I've seen on the streets here. Everywhere you look you see naked babies, ragged clothed toddlers and barefoot children running freely on the streets. At first glance you feel a sadness for their fate. However other times I envy their naivety, as this existence is all they know. Lack of education shelters them from wanting or needing more.

When a little girl pokes at my window and asks for money, I of course can only think of Zaleeya. People say we are giving her a wonderful gift by bringing her to our family where she will be raised with education and a future. However I think it's important to remember that she will also be a gift to us; bringing us joy, frustration, happiness, laughter and tears forever. But I believe the greatest gift was given to all of us by her birth mother. To her we thank and respect with our hearts wide open.

So on this eve I leave you with a quote that I actually heard on one of my Yoga podcasts while on this trip. The writer is Anais Nin, and it spoke to me quite deeply:

"It takes courage to push yourself to places you've that never been before. To test your limits. To break through barriers. And then the day came that the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud, was more painful then the risk it took to blossom."

Please keep reading our blog, as the journey has only just begun.

7 comments:

Amy said...

Wow - I can't wait to hear about the day you are united with your daughter. How wonderful it has been to follow your trip!

Amy T
(waiting on NOC for Neon)

Peter and Nancy said...

Thanks for being so vulnerable and sharing your thoughts and insights. Zaleeya will be so blessed to have a mother like you . . . and she will be just as great a blessing to you!
-- Nancy

Kristi W. said...

Beautifully said. :) I hope tomorrow is amazing and wonderful and everything you dreamed it to be. I can't wait to read your next post!

Kristi W.

Anonymous said...

What an Amazing adventure you guys have been through. I loved reading your Blog. I hope that Zaleeya will bring you lots and lots of happiness in your lives. I know how long you and Azeem were waiting for this moment and now it's finally here and from me and Buck, we both think you guys are going to be amazing parents!!!! You are both going to give that child so much love and joy everyday and I know how proud both your parents are of you. I wish all your family including the grandparents to be all the joy and happiness this beautiful daughter will bring you. Cherish every moment as it goes by so fast!! Love you guys and please keep in touch, our thoughts and prayers are with you all. Shellina and Bakul Patel

Anonymous said...

I am so happy for you zeena and azeem!!! baby zaleeya is going to live a very happy life with both of you! i cant wait to get home and meet her soon :)

Joel Madison said...

reading your blog..dying with every word..of anticipation..unbeliveable..LOVE THAT QUOTE!!!!!!! Jen Lesh:)

Anonymous said...

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