I’ve had some amazing conversations with women on this trip, offering me an interesting perspective on how they think in this part of the world. Please keep in mind that I’ve been running with a certain class of people the last few days, so the perspective is skewed.
At the Eid party yesterday, Yasmin’s sister in law Rauz and I had a conversation about arranged marriages. Hers was arranged, however not in the way that you and I would think. How it works is that the parents seeks out about 10 “matches” that they deem as appropriate from other families with equal socioeconomic status. Then the children will date a few of these matches to see where there may be chemistry. Rauz said that she dated Saif for a year before they got married. According to her, this is the best way to get married in India and these marriages tend to survive more than “love” marriages. In India, the lifestyle revolves heavily around family. In fact Rauz and her husband and children all live with her in laws and she feels that she was glad she married into a family with a similar background as her own. In fact her 16 year old daughter currently has a boyfriend, but has asked her mother to help her arrange her marriage when the time comes. Hard for us to imagine, however at the completion of this conversation she had me a little convinced.
I told Rauz that had Azeem and I lived in India, we would have probably been chosen as one of the 10 matches for each other. Our family backgrounds, socioeconomic upbringing and religion are all matched which I know is one of the many reasons we are so happily married. However when asked out here, I do make sure to mention that I am in a “love” marriage (wink wink to Azeem). J
This evening Yasmin took me as her guest to her monthly “kitty” party. Apparently this word has a few meanings, but in this case it’s a girl’s evening out with old friends. Part of the evening however revolves around the “kitty”; each of the ladies contributes 10,000 ($220) rupees to a “pot”. When they get together a name is drawn and this person receives all the money (90,000 ruppees!!) and then this winner gets to arrange and schedule the next party. Basically Yasmin told me it’s a great way to force themselves to get together once a month.
Once again upon meeting the women I felt like I was in the presence of Bollywood stars, although this times I was! One of the ladies Sangeeta (last name not mentioned since this is a public blog) was a film actress and she was definitely stunningly beautiful. Another one of the other ladies is the sister to a MAJOR film actor who I won’t mention, but if you are Indian trust me you’ve heard of him. Anyhow I didn’t discover this information until later in the evening and in the mean time simply enjoyed another meal of listening and watching (the picture cut me off, however you all know what I look like!).
All in their late 30’s early 40’s, these women spent the hour together (over wonderful Chinese food) discussing schools for their children, insider Bollywood gossip and, of course, jewelry. In fact they passed each other’s jewelry around a bit commenting on the beauty and prices. The Bollywood gossip was a bit over my head until Yasmin updated me later, and it was juicy! Someone’s ex slept with someone else and there was an argument at a film premier, etc etc. I felt like I was reading People magazine! After dinner we wandered downstairs to a very trendy Indian nightclub that looked similar to any club in the states. In fact I found it classier, less chaotic, the men more respectful and the music better!
As we left the nightclub and drove off the grounds (we were at a fancy hotel) we got back on the road right next to the shacks and homeless and street fires and stray dogs. I just couldn’t help but notice the extreme juxtaposition.
Lastly, speaking of women, I finally got a chance to do some major shopping with Yasmin yesterday- she is the ULTIMATE expert! We visited “Cottons” where I picked up a lot of cotton based Indian clothes- well made and excellently prices. My favorite shopping however was when we went to a costumes jewelry exhibition at another one of the amazing “lofts” in Mumbai. I picked up a bunch of sparkly bling. Now I have a few clothes to help me feel almost as fashionable as the beautiful women of this country.
At the Eid party yesterday, Yasmin’s sister in law Rauz and I had a conversation about arranged marriages. Hers was arranged, however not in the way that you and I would think. How it works is that the parents seeks out about 10 “matches” that they deem as appropriate from other families with equal socioeconomic status. Then the children will date a few of these matches to see where there may be chemistry. Rauz said that she dated Saif for a year before they got married. According to her, this is the best way to get married in India and these marriages tend to survive more than “love” marriages. In India, the lifestyle revolves heavily around family. In fact Rauz and her husband and children all live with her in laws and she feels that she was glad she married into a family with a similar background as her own. In fact her 16 year old daughter currently has a boyfriend, but has asked her mother to help her arrange her marriage when the time comes. Hard for us to imagine, however at the completion of this conversation she had me a little convinced.
I told Rauz that had Azeem and I lived in India, we would have probably been chosen as one of the 10 matches for each other. Our family backgrounds, socioeconomic upbringing and religion are all matched which I know is one of the many reasons we are so happily married. However when asked out here, I do make sure to mention that I am in a “love” marriage (wink wink to Azeem). J
This evening Yasmin took me as her guest to her monthly “kitty” party. Apparently this word has a few meanings, but in this case it’s a girl’s evening out with old friends. Part of the evening however revolves around the “kitty”; each of the ladies contributes 10,000 ($220) rupees to a “pot”. When they get together a name is drawn and this person receives all the money (90,000 ruppees!!) and then this winner gets to arrange and schedule the next party. Basically Yasmin told me it’s a great way to force themselves to get together once a month.
Once again upon meeting the women I felt like I was in the presence of Bollywood stars, although this times I was! One of the ladies Sangeeta (last name not mentioned since this is a public blog) was a film actress and she was definitely stunningly beautiful. Another one of the other ladies is the sister to a MAJOR film actor who I won’t mention, but if you are Indian trust me you’ve heard of him. Anyhow I didn’t discover this information until later in the evening and in the mean time simply enjoyed another meal of listening and watching (the picture cut me off, however you all know what I look like!).
All in their late 30’s early 40’s, these women spent the hour together (over wonderful Chinese food) discussing schools for their children, insider Bollywood gossip and, of course, jewelry. In fact they passed each other’s jewelry around a bit commenting on the beauty and prices. The Bollywood gossip was a bit over my head until Yasmin updated me later, and it was juicy! Someone’s ex slept with someone else and there was an argument at a film premier, etc etc. I felt like I was reading People magazine! After dinner we wandered downstairs to a very trendy Indian nightclub that looked similar to any club in the states. In fact I found it classier, less chaotic, the men more respectful and the music better!
As we left the nightclub and drove off the grounds (we were at a fancy hotel) we got back on the road right next to the shacks and homeless and street fires and stray dogs. I just couldn’t help but notice the extreme juxtaposition.
Lastly, speaking of women, I finally got a chance to do some major shopping with Yasmin yesterday- she is the ULTIMATE expert! We visited “Cottons” where I picked up a lot of cotton based Indian clothes- well made and excellently prices. My favorite shopping however was when we went to a costumes jewelry exhibition at another one of the amazing “lofts” in Mumbai. I picked up a bunch of sparkly bling. Now I have a few clothes to help me feel almost as fashionable as the beautiful women of this country.
By the way, I hear many of your are reading back home, so please continue to comment! Thank you for the incredible support. Technology makes me feel so close to home.
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4 comments:
Zeena -- I'm a Dillon mom. I was wondering if you have discussed the adoption with these ladies. If so, would you share some of their thoughts/feelings? Thank you for sharing your journey. It is fascinating.
Hi Zeena --
Nancy here (another Dillon mom). I love your posts, and all the details! Your baby is going to love reading these someday. Thanks for taking us along on your trip -- I can't wait until the day you meet Zaleeya.
Wow, you sound like you are having an amazing experience! A whole side of India I'm sure most of us will never get to know. Keep on blogging! :)
Kristi W.
Hi Traci! Good question. Everyone here has been incredibly supportive of the adoption. In fact everyone is frustrated like us that it takes so long despite the overpopulation here. :)
Zeena
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