Happy "Gotchya" DAY!

It's been two years! Wow what a Journey. I am listening to Daddy and Zaleeya in the bath as she negotiates her way through the nighttime process... what a smart kid!

What a difference 2 years makes, and in this case what a difference 2 MONTHS make! At the end of August, before we headed off on our first vacation without Zaleeya , I was ready to quit my job as mommy. I was so frustrated! Zaleeya's tantrums were terrible, her rebillion at it's highest, her constant demands unreasonable and we struggled to get through the days. I was ready for a vacation...

On our trip we did some serious soul searching. What was wrong? Why was she still seeming to struggle so much? Before we left town she would still INSIST I carry her down the stairs, demand a whole lot of my attention doing simples things, and throw tantrums when she didn't get her way. Why was she suddenly screaming herself to sleep after the normal nighttime routine? Some of it was normal 3 year old stuff, other stuff just didn't seem right.

So I came home in the beginning of September with a fresh perspective and a new attitude. My sense was that we were parenting her with too much discipline and rules. This was a child who lost the first year of her life with her parents. Sure she needed discipline, but she also needed more love. And we decided we were going to give it to her in spades.

We changed the nighttime routine and let her have more control. We went back in to her room after lights out when she wanted more "tissues" or more time "holding my hand". I didn't give in to every one of her whims, but when she started to tanrum I held her until she decided to stop (against the advice of our parenting doctor who wanted us to put he down and let her work it out- she NEVER worked it out!).

I put my pateince hat on every morning. I apologized to her when I lost my cool. I explained things in a normal voice and expected her to understand concepts she didn't quite get.

I discovered that through all this chaos of the last few years, I forgot how much I needed to work on MY attachment to her, and how loving her unconditionally was the only way to make this happen.

And it worked. Six weeks later we have a child that is more confident, wants to be independent, hasn't thrown a tantrum in days, falls asleep on her own without screaming, and this morning said to us "You're lucky, because I Love You".

It may have taken two years, but we are finally here. The transition is over. She is OURS fully and completely, and we look forward to the next 2, 4, 8, 16 and 32 years!

PS. Aurora (aka Sleeping Beauty), Pink and the number 7 still rule our house! Sigh...
PPS. I'll do a post with some fun pictures on another day...

It's time to PRETEND!

Hello it's been longer than usual but I'm here ready for more blogging! It's been 3 months now that Zaleeya has been in daycare. She has now kinda of figured out the schedule so she does protest every morning, but we know she really enjoys her days and she's learning so much, so we take it as simple 2 year old rebellion. I'm really happy with my current job and feel challenged and enjoying the work/mom routine.

Zaleeya is fast approaching her 3rd birthday (3 weeks!) so we also attribute a LOT of new tantrum and control behaviors to this. Boy is she tough sometimes! Lately when we try to transition to nighttime, or naptime or clean up time, it's "no no no only in 2 minutes!". Sigh. We've tried reward charts and counting to 3 etc etc and all variations seem to work somtimes, but of course she also ends up in good old fashioned time out.

But with these new struggles come some cool new talking and some wonderful pretending. She is SUPER into Aurora (sleeping beauty) and often tells people her name is Aurora if they ask. She will serve up tons of food in her kitchen, carry "pretend" pink candy in her hand, take you on a ride in her imaginary choo choo train, offer to take you for a ride in her light pink car so you can go "golf". It's amazing what she comes up with and how dedicated to the things that she deems her "favorite" (like the number 7 and the color PINK!).

We had a great 4th of July this year with a ride through the children's parade and took a few trips to Disneyland. So far we've seen Ariel, Jasmine and Belle but need to make it back soon to see the infamous Aurora. I'm telling you it's kinda crazy... she hasn't

even see the movie but we just started reading the book and she hides hen the evil fairy Malificent shows up. She is starting to develop some normal "fears" of evil characters and "monsters" lurking in dark rooms.

As always, it continues to be an adventure but we are reminded daily how lucky we are when we see how well she continues to adjust.

Daycare!

So it's been a few weeks now and I am happy to report that mommy is WORKING and Zaleeya is in DAYCARE! After pouring over tons of info and visiting a myriad of facilities, we settled on an in home daycare in a neighboring community only 4 minutes away. My instincts were telling me that lil Z would do better in a smaller environment before hitting preschool... and boy was I right (picture is from her first day)!

First of all, we love our daycare lady (Ms. Dawn). She is nurturing but strict and very structured. Her home is immaculate, she is a consummate professional and I feel now that she is a helper to me in conquering some of Zaleeya's issues. It's been a few weeks, and she is already playing better with other children, eating meals in under 30 mins (WHAT!!??), coughing and sneezing into her arms for hygiene, not touching doorknobs unless shes asks, and putting away toys. And never once has she whined, complained or cried about being left there... it's as if she knew this was the right place for her. It's a miracle!

Sure, mommy and daddy get homework so we can work on these skills on the days she is not in daycare, but I am happy to have someone who is part of parenting team, someone who has confirmed what I know all along... that our child is bright, headstrong, and will challenge us everyday.

And more importantly, mommy is happy to have time away so that our time together is QUALITY. Today was the first full day we had together in a while, all day alone, and boy was it awesome. Sure we had a few tantrums and timeouts, but I was prepared and mentally ready to handle it. Now this is what I imagined motherhood to be like. Thank you Ms. Dawn!

DISNEYLAND!

We decided to finally take lil Z on a BIG trip to Disneyland! We were lucky to get in for free so we didn't feel the pressure to stay all day and did a nice short trip in about 4 hours. She LOVED it! We visited DUMBO first, where she giggled her way through her first purple Dumbo trip. Then we did the Carousel, where she was a bit nervous to ride the horsie unless mama was holding her hand. Then we headed over to the teacups which she LOVED! We even have video of this one... and I'm so glad that she is not afraid of going around and around. Then we hit Its a Small World; this song is number one on the list of bedtime lullabies now. Lastly we hit toon town where we got to meet MICKEY! While waiting in line for Mickey, Zaleeya was very excited and kept saying "We are going to see Mickey, he is changing right now!". We have no idea where she got this from... but the day was a success and we can't wait to take her back!

Strawberries, Baseball and the POTTY!

It's that time again... and I'm proud of myself for being so diligent in my blogging. I think this will be very important to Zaleeya in a few years. Even though we are past the "adoption" phase of our parenting journey (for now), it's great to just keep track of what goes on from a month to month basis. This month has been all about the POTTY! Yes we successfully training lil Z how to use the potty and after 4 days of a few accidents here and there, we are now accident free for 2 weeks! Of course going #2 has been a bit of an issue and took some prodding from mommy (major major fears) but we are now using the pink potty religiously. Yes, it's far too much info, but mom wants to remember this moment and feel proud. I took my time and waited till we were both ready.

We hit the strawberry farm with school the other day... a fun filled adventure that involved strawberry picking, mud and a wagon. We also hit our first ANGELS game last week! We had been waiting to take her until we felt we could make it through the 7th inning stretch (to sing Take Me out to the Ball Game) which we did! Zaleeya did great and was able to si

t and eat her way through most of the game. We loved it when she first got a live glimse of the baseball field... she actually stopped us and went to go take a look. It was amazing! SHE IS A FAN! And now says GO ANGELS everytime we pass the stadium.

This month has also been about talking. It's crazy how much she puts together now. Instead of saying "Mama I got a bobo", we are moving into phrases like "Mama I hurt myself on my chin". She can vocalize everything, which at times drives us a bit crazy and nervous as she now repeats everything too!

For some reason, perhaps because of the Potty Training, she has become a little more clingy and whiney lately. Sometimes it's so bad we have numerous escalating tantrums because I stand firm to my ground and don't give in to her every whim. For example, she will throw Pepe and expect me to get it for her; I make her calm down and do it herself. It's been a

tough few days, but I chalk it up to normal growing pains and I know tantrums for 2 year olds are not uncommon. At least we know she is attached!

I plan to go back to work part time and we are looking into preschool/ daycare solutions. Zaleeya may be sensing this so it could also be contributing to her increase of clingyness. I only plan to work 3 half days to help her with this transition. I am looking forward to this a bit as I don't think I was ever wired to be a full time mom. It's been good for all of us... but perhaps it's time to move into a few phase of motherhood.

Anyhow that's all for this month. Thanks for keeping track of us.

A Trip to the Olympics!

As promised, I am on time delivering my monthly blog entry and this one is dedicated to our recent trip to Vancouver. Azeem has been busy with work (CPA in Busy Season!) so Zaleeya and I took a gracious offer from my parents to visit them in their Vancouver Condo and enjoy the spirit of the 2010 Winter Games.

Zaleeya of course had no idea what the "Olimstics" were all about... but by the end of it she had mastered the phrase "GO CANADA!" much to our dismay. There was SO MUCH Canadian Spirit everywhere that she picked it up quite quickly, and let's admit that it is a bit easier to say than "Go USA".

She did a good job adjusting to the travel again, despite the fact that just before leaving she got the worst cold she has had in a while. Night time was rough the first few nights and she ended up sleeping with me since I caved when she decided to learn the phrase "I WANT MY MOM!". I guess it's true that when they are sick they crave mommy comfort.

But after a few days we ventured out into the colder weather (only 55 degrees actually and sometimes a bit rainy) and hit Live City, an outdoor Olympic venue for spectators to come watch the events on large screens. We also spent some time strolling down the streets of Vancouver and she was great at sitting in her stroller and watching the people go by in her turquoise jacket and pink sunglasses. What a California diva! We even ventured out on a bike ride... mom's first with Zaleeya on the bike. It was so much fun!

Mom got to go to the Opening Ceremonies, some ice skating and an ice hockey match. It was fantastic! All in all though we were glad to be home and back into the regular routine. Zaleeya fared better than expected while traveling, but still just does her best at sleeping and eating and behaving when she is at home.

She continues to talk like crazy adding more and more sentences to her repertoire. Today she picked up the phone with my mom and said "Nani, I hear Ziggy barking in the backyard". Amazing!

Also this month we had a nice dinner with the Adoption Club in Ladera Ranch. We met a group of wonderful families with children all adopted (mostly domestic) and around the same age as Zaleeya. Were so happy to find this group of people and hope to spend more time with them in the future.

Pictures from the month are littered in this post. Enjoy!

Pictures from Halloween to today!

It's 2010!

So I'm WAAAAAY behind on blogging and there is a LOT to update on Zaleeya and her current developments! I am now making a commitment that I will post ONCE a month. I wanted this to be a great scrapbook for Zaleeya someday... so I need to post regularly!

I am very very happy to report that she is doing SO WELL! I had our final adoption court date on January 13th where she got her teddy bear from the Judge (that we have aptly named "Judge"). In general, sleep has been much much better in the last few months. She is talking up a storm and starting to really form a personality. Most of her adoption behavior patterns that we used to see all the time (sitting in moms laps, trying to get the rooms attention, hugging other kids to death, stealing toys etc) are all under control and she is simply now just a normal, sometimes defiant, 2 year old who loves her parents and generally loves all people!

I will post a separate blog entry with pictures that can sum up the last few months, but here is a bullet point list of Zaleeya's favorite things/actions/people etc:

We went to visit Santa in December and since her sentences were still developing at that time I prompted her to tell Santa she wanted "princesses" for Christmas. Of course when Santa asked, out of nowhere, Zaleeya said "Shoes!". Go figure

We visited Vancouver for the holidays and she did VERY well with sleep in a new place. She napped at least an hour a day and 11-12 hours at night. The interesting part was that all 3 of us were sleeping the same room, something that Azeem and I were somewhat nervous about. But she managed to sleep well at night in her playpen. She threw no major tantrums, loved to play with her cousins Amina, Inara, Jayden and most of all just fell in love with ZAHID BHA! ("Bha" means brother)!

Getting back to sleep patterns after Vancouver took a few days of tough love, but eventually in the month of January we somehow settled into a sleep pattern of 1.5 to 2 hour naps! Mama is just such a happy woman.

Vancouver really spurred on an onslaught of new words and phrases. Now she speaking full sentences and loves to point to us and say "That's my mommy, that's my daddy". I love it when she tells me her glasses are "upside down". And I'm always impressed when she asks for "Mayai" and then asks for "Egg" which both mean the same thing in 2 different languages. Quite smart!

She continues to show an affinity for music and just LOVED watching Pink's Grammy rendition of her her favorite song of ALL time the "LaLa" song (Glitter in the Air). She now asks Daddy to sing "Papapeche Mode's'" "People are People" before night night and can recognize their songs when they come on. She also will immediately recognize Lady Gaga and loves her some Alicia Keys. Golly the girl has taste!

Barbie Shoes and pink sunglasses are her prized possessions. Yes, she is a girly girl.

Elmo seems to still be the only TV show that attacks her for long periods of time. Fine by us.

Food continues to get a little pickier... fruits and veggies are tough and crackers RULE. She still makes a bit of a mess when she eats but it's usually because she knows it makes Mommy mad.

She LOVES to talk on the phone. It's still a random conversation, but she looks cute and sounds cute doing it.

MommiYA! DaddiYA! ZaleeYA! ZiggYA! This is her favorite rhyming game.

Every night before we leave the room we have to sing happy birthday to someone, anyone, and sometimes anyTHING. It's a nice way to remember the people we might have met that day.

She continues to be very social around all our friends and family. She has a few favorite people that she loves to ask about, which is fun because now we'll just call them on the phone. And she is now a bit cautious around new people which we love because it signals to us that she is attached. She is a joy (and sometimes a terrible two year old) but in general she is just becoming more and more, OURS. :)

Gotchya Day!

It's October 20th and exactly ONE YEAR ago today we picked up Zaleeya! We celebrated with a party over the weekend and today was a nice normal day. I'll do a more detailed update later, but for now here are some great pics from the last few weeks!

Zaleeya Turns TWO!

Hello! It's Zaleeya's second birthday today, our first with her and we celebrated with a fun filled day of activities that she enjoys (books, playing in the pool, crackers, balloons, stickers, bubbles)! We plan to do a big celebration later in September with the whole family, so today was a lot of mommy and little Z time. :) Pics from the day are littered in the post.

Things continue to go incredibly well as we start to move past the adoption issues and into "normal" parenthood. Moving to Ladera has been a huge help to making us feel comfortable about our new roles, and keeping Zaleeya active with other kids her age. Here is the update...

Her weight continues to increase and she is a pretty good eater on most days. Teething has calmed and her fork/spoon control has improved. She still loves rice and crackers the best. I've kept her away from most sugary stuff and was happy to see her barely interested in the cupcakes that were offered her today! She is not about 21 lbs and looks much healthier than ever.

I am so happy to see many of our attachment

behavioral issues resolving. My favorite change is when we walk into a new situation and she clings to my skirt for a short time (under 5 mins). Soon thereafter she is off and running but those few minutes make me feel confident that she really knows where her "safety net". The grabbing of toys out of other kids hands in getting less and sitting in other moms laps is better too. However she is, and probably always be a very "touchy feely" child and super friendly. Most other kids don't react well to her when she tries to hug and kiss them but she is learning to be "gentle" in her love. :)

She has become quite attached to her stuffed animals since the sleep training process which I know is very healthy and normal. Now, during our bedtime routine, we must be holding: pepe, monkey, doggy, googoo, paula, and blankie all at once! Again it's wonderful to see her developing habits and comforts that represent her attachment to her "home".

SLEEP is amazing! Now after the routine we put her down and walk out of the room with hardly ever ANY crying! She talks herself to sleep in usually under 15 mins and wakes up talking to herself usually about 12 hours later. IT IS GLORIOUS!! Nap however still is an issues. Since her nighttime sleep got better, nap has been averaging 45 mins. Grrrr for mommy

who barely has time to get anything

done! However I really can't complain after all we've been through. It has made a huge differe

nce in all of our lives.

She is talking up a storm! This week's full sentence was "Ziggy Take It Outside". We are counting to three, we know all the names of the characters on Seseme Street and we love to say NO! She loves people and really knows the names of all the people in her life (there are a lot!). We have a few cousin babysitters now ("uby" for Ruby and "eesha" for Neesha and "ofia" for Sofia) As she falls asleep she runs through the names of all the people she saw that day. We especially like our new neighbors with a son exactly her age ("Locu" for Logan) who is her favorite playmate.

We have started some "terrible two" stuff with tantrums that feel a little different than her adjustment tantrums. These we can tell are related to her "wanting" something an

d not getting it. Since we feel more comfortable in our roles we now let her cry things out a bit or ignore her when she is acting out. Our biggest challenge in now "hitting", both other kids and us (especially mom). We've started some times outs and removal of privileges (Elmo gets turned off!) and we suspect it will just get better with time.

I must say that personally, I still have moments of "what have I done!" but in general I am settling into a groove. I do enjoy not having to juggle a thousand things at once! I can focus on keeping house and keeping Zaleeya busy. I have launched a new Jewelry business that I can do casually on the side (take a look at http://www.stelladot.com/zeena) and hopefully I'll take some Pilates clients in my new home studio in a few months when we put Zaleeya into a preschool program nearby. Phew I just can't sit still!

Anyhow enjoy the pics and thank you for reading!

We're moved in!

Yes, I know, 2 months later. Phew! Finally we are moved in and working towards a more normal life. Here is the update in bullet point style:

• We've moved into a gorgeous new home in Ladera Ranch, CA. This town is MADE for families with tons of moms and kids our age in the neighborhood. Unpacking and getting set up is a challenge with an active toddler, but we are working feverishly to be out of boxes and parking two cars in the garage. :)




• Ever since the move 4 weeks ago, I (Zeena) decided to quit most of my day job (only work Saturdays) and spend my time helping Zaleeya adjust. The 2 moves in the last 3 months have been rough on all of us. I finally felt more like a mom, and ready to commit fully to my daughter and her needs. It's been a journey, but I'm finally beginning to enjoy it all. I actually attempt to cook and have dinner ready for dad when he comes home. Who knew I could do it!



• Azeem is dealing with a longer commute in stride and continues to be amazing at juggling work and heping mom around the house. He is also super dad on Saturdays and spends the whole day with Zaleeya.





• Nana and Nani (Zeena's Parents) now live 5 mins away which is a huge help. Dadi and Bapa (Azeem's Parents) are a bit further away but everyone is making an effort to make it not matter.




• Zaleeya is totally adjusting better ever since we got into the new house. The first few weeks we witnessed a few tantrums (confusion we believe) but then she started really get into a rhythym. She has plenty of words now and has started to put them together (All Done). She has started to ask for specific foods (Crackers) and toys (Elmo!). She has finally developed an interest in books and can point and name a lot of pictures. She still loves putting things inside things and especially LOVES her new little house in the backyyard that the previous owners left for her!




• We're still working on a few attachment issues that have manifested themselves in odd behavior such as sitting in other mom's laps in music class and constantly taking toys out of kids hands. My new favorite book (Parenting Your Internationally Adopted Child by Patty Cogen) helped calm me down and explain why she is compelled to act these ways (control, belonging etc) and it's been a great comfort.




• She has gained weight but is still barely 20 lbs and her active lifestyle now makes it harder to gain weight. However she is a great eater and will now try anything. She LOVES rice so mom hides veggies and meat in the rice to get it down! And will eat most fruits. Crackers (chips, goldfish etc) are her favorite as I think they help calm the ever constant teething. She finally mastered the art of eating with a fork/spoon, however mom keeps dog Ziggy nearby to help with the cleanup.



• Our biggest issue still continues to be sleep. We weaned her cold turkey from the bottle and put her back into a crib (old crib, same room decor and color) and she did okay. Mom helped by sleeping next to her again for the first week. However after a few weeks it was apparent that her sleep issues were now becoming a habit and an "addiction" to having mama and dada around to comfort her. After lengthy reading and discussion with our social worker, it was time to sleep train. I must admit feeling quite relieved to start this process ,as some nights it was taking 1.5 hours to get her down (especially with no bottle) and perhaps 2-3 wakes ups a night! No one was happy! We started this past weekend, and as much as it's horrible to hear her "cry it out", we are all now going on 3 straight days of 12 hour night time sleep and 2 hour naps. Her personality is amazing and she has fewer tantrums and is more fun! Sleep was really holding her back. We know it's controversial to make an adopted child "self soothe", we just felt the sleep was more important. In fact, the reason I can blog now is because she is asleep at a decent hour!

Anyhow, enough for now. I'll be better from here on forward I promise! Thank you for tuning in!

Pictures of Zaleeya!

Hey everyone! We have finally moved out of our house and are settled in with my parents, and currently in escrow to buy a new home. PHEW! In the move, I somehow misplaced the camera. Oh no! But I have a few shots from cell phones I wanted to share with you quickly before naptime ends.

Zaleeya is still doing great and is fast becoming a super talker! New words include: Shoes, Bird, Car, More, Please, Blueberry (or a rendition of this), and our personal favorites, MAMA and DADA!

Littered here are pics with her grandparents (Nana and Nani) and Hedy and Emma (from Dillon). I promise to get more family pics ups soon! We are ALMOST at our 6 month anniversary home. WOW!

I Know I Know, it's been 2 months!

Ok I know I'm a super bad blogger, but wow it's been a crazy few months! I keep procrastinating since I need to upload tons of pics and video so I decided today to just post an update and I'll upload later!

So it's the beginning of March, Zaleeya is now 18 months and she's been home a little over 4 months. Things are good in general! Let's start with the developmental milestones: She is walking like crazy! Running and walking backwards are also on the list. We can now go to a park or mall or other public place and let her stroll around. She hates holding our hands because she likes to explore, but she's pretty good at staying relatively close by. She still loves her Ziggy and Buzz (my mom's dog) and kisses them a lot and takes their slobbery kisses. She is currently OBSESSED with buckling anything that can be buckled including her high chair and stroller buckles. She can really understand us now and will respond to some actions like, let's go take a bath (walks to the stairs), are you hungry (walks to high chair) and let's read a book (gets a book). She has a few words now including "hot", "shoe", "ball" and "dada". She still doesn't have a name for me though. We keep working on "hi mama"!

As for our schedule, we keep it a little more hectic than we probably should. Tuesdays and Thursdays I head to work while my parents pick her up and take her to their place. It's like club med there with a swing and dog and backyard with putting green so she LOVES it! They also watch her once on the weekends so Azeem and I can escape for a date night or afternoon out. We also go visit grandma and grandpa Dhalla and stay there on occasion and the bonding process is going smoothly there was well. She's starting to figure out who her close friends and family are.

Zaleeya still has some sleep issues, some nights waking frequently, but in general it's better. Her eating is NORMAL toddler chaos since we're learning how to eat using a utensil. I wish she was more focused on eating than playing but she's drinking milk frequently and she seems to be growing out of her clothes gradually so I'm not terribly worried about her weight as much. She has gotten a few colds, again normal, but in general she is pretty darn healthy. We feel blessed on this front.

Another reason for being so hectic is that we decided to undertake a house change. We currently live in a 3 story house and it just wasn't working out for us with a crazy active toddler! So we expected a 60 to 90 wait in this crazy market, but after a week after listing we ended up in escrow with a solid offer! We are still waiting to make sure things are moving smoothly before we start packing, but in the mean time we have been looking for houses like CRAZY! Nothing yet, so our plan in the mean time is to move in with my parents to "club med" and take advantage of their unused 2nd floor bonus room. It will definitely feel like INDIA with a bunch of us living under one roof. :)

Anyhow that's it for now. I promise to upload a few things in the next few days!

NAWBO Baby Shower Fun!

Before entering this world or Mommy madness, I was an active participant in the Orange County chapter of the National Association of Women Business Owners. More important than the monthly educational meetings, are the amazing women that I've met and who have supported me on this journey to motherhood.

Two years ago I participated in the mentor program and was matched with an AMAZING mentor, Beth Adkission, who was so generous in hosting a Baby shower for me this past weekend. We had decided to wait until after Zaleeya was home to do the shower so that everyone could meet her!

With food provided by another wonderful NAWBO friend/mentor Susan Johnson, the shower was so much fun as I got to bond with my favorite business ladies in Orange County. Complete with "Zaleeya Bingo", we drank wine, ate amazing food, and oohhed and ahhed over a creative array of gifts.

Zaleeya has gotten really good at handing social events and Daddy was around to help so Mom can socialize. She waddled around chasing the cats, eating strawberries and attempting to grab at everyone's wine glass and eat the cat food- normal toddler behavior. She was tired after a couple of hours and a bit over-stimulated but it was worth it!

Special thank yous to BETH and SUSAN for an amazing afternoon!

Zaleeya the Dancing Queen!

So check out this video of Zaleeya's new dance moves now that she's walking... Enjoy!